Am I in a healthy relationship?

Instructions

Read each question and choose the statement that best fits your current relationship. Don't forget to keep track of your answers so you can scale them at the end of the quiz!

1) How do you and your partner work through disagreements?

A) We can respect each other's opinions and work through the disagreement we had in a safe way.

B) Honestly, sometimes, we just drop it and move on since we won't reach an agreement.

C) We have a difficult time working through disagreements. I’d rather not share my opinion or thoughts if I think it will lead to a big argument.

2) When something is on your mind, how do you share it with your partner?

A) I feel comfortable enough to openly share with them when I want to. I tell them everything

B) I worry about how my partner will respond and wait to bring it up. I’ll tell them eventually.

C) I don’t share my thoughts with my partner because I don’t think they will understand or become angry/upset.

3) How does your partner respond when you want something different from them?

A) They are supportive and understanding.

B) They sometimes make me feel bad and ask a lot of questions that make me feel uncomfortable.

C) They get very upset or angry and push back. They make me feel like my feelings and opinions don’t matter.

4) Do you feel like you are always watching what you are doing or saying when you spend time with your partner?

A) Nope, I feel very comfortable and safe around them.

B) Sometimes, I feel relaxed around them, and sometimes I feel nervous about my actions around them.

C) Yes, I often feel anxious around them.

5) Do you feel supported by your partner?

A) Yes, my partner often does things to show me support. They accept me for who I am.

B) I would like it if my partner was more supportive of who I am and the decisions I make.

C) I often wish my partner wasn’t trying to change me and trusted me.

6) When you make a choice about your life….

A) My partner gives input when I ask for it and supports my decisions. They’re my biggest cheerleader!

B) My partner shares their opinion, but I get to make the final decision. Sometimes it’s annoying.

C) My partner tells me what I need to do. I won’t make any decisions without running it by them first. My partner has to be okay with all of my choices.

7) When you and your partner need to make a decision about the relationship...

A) We listen to each other’s wishes and find a solution that we both can agree on.

B) It takes us a while to choose what feels right for both of us.

C) It can be hard for us to agree on anything. Usually, my partner likes to make all the decisions in our relationship.

8) When you share a problem in the relationship, how does your partner respond?

A) They listen to me, take responsibility for their mistakes, and offer apologies or support if needed. We also discuss how we can do things differently in the future.

B) They say they are sorry but don’t really try to find a way to make things better.

C) They won’t admit when they are wrong. I usually feel like what happened was my fault or that I am overreacting.

9) When I am hanging out with my friends or my family, without my partner...

A) They ask me how they’re doing and lets me know that they hope I have fun with my friends or family.

B) They want me to check in frequently. They usually want to know what we are doing and who I am with.

C) They annoyed and asks me to go home. My partner then expresses that I spend too much time with my friends and not enough time with them, even if that is not true.

10) When it comes to technology and social media, my partner…

A) Respects my privacy. My partner trusts that I wouldn't do anything that might hurt them or our relationship agreements.
B) Wants to be able to check my phone and DM’s whenever they want.

C) Controls/limits who I interact with online and has access to all of my passwords. Whenever they look through my phone, I feel anxious even if I don't have anything to hide.

Scale

Mostly As

Awesome, your relationship is off to a great start!

Based on your responses, you seem to be in a healthy relationship--that's great. Keep up the good work and remember that in order to continue this healthy streak, you have to keep in mind what qualities are important and necessary for you in a relationship. Some healthy characteristics to keep in mind: having similar interests, good communication, respect, honesty, fun, trust, etc.

And, when disagreements happen, it is important to have an open and honest conversation about what is going on so the two of you can then work towards a solution that works best for both of you. If you need extra support or have any questions, feel free to send us an email to [email protected] or to talk to someone directly, call our 24-hour hotline at (510) 794-6055. For additional resource information, visit our resources page to learn other tips to support you in having a healthy relationship.

Mostly Bs

Be cautious.

Based on your responses, there seem to be some issues going on in your relationship. It may feel like you have a hard time working through disagreements, and hearing each other out. The good news is that you can work towards having a healthy relationship by assessing what unhealthy behaviors you and your partner need to work on. If someone in the relationship is not willing to make these changes, then re-evaluate if you still want to be in the relationship. Remember, one person can't carry all the burden of the relationship for an extended period of time.

If you need extra support or have any questions, feel free to send us an email to [email protected] or to talk to someone directly, call our 24-hour hotline at (510) 794-6055. For additional resource information, visit our resources page to learn more about what it takes to have a healthy relationship.

Mostly Cs

Concern.

Based on your responses, you seem to be in a relationship where harm may be occurring. When harm happens, the relationship becomes unbalanced. This means that one person in the relationship is trying to have power or control over the other person. You may notice that there is a lot of arguments/fights happening, you may feel that you can’t safely share your feelings or opinions, you can't hang out with friends or family, you may feel anxious around your partner because of their mood swings, or nervous that they might get mad if you don't do what they asked, etc. These are indicators that there is harm in the relationship.

If you believe that you've experienced some of these indicators, take a moment to assess your relationship. Think about what you want to do next, there is help available. Reach out to your support system, friend, or trusted adult in your life. SAVE is here for you. A trained advocate can help you create a safety plan or provide you with options. Free restraining orders are available to youth 12 years and older if needed. Dealing with harm in a relationship can be a hard experience to go through, there is support out there--reach out when you're ready.